From: [oake 0010] at [gold.tc.umn.edu] (David J Oakes)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.misc
Subject: CON:  Chicago, a Virgin's View
Date: 10 Jul 1996 12:31:52 -0500

well, since michael has posted the last chicago con report, i guess it is 
time for me to get cracking on mine...

(hey, you want timely, talk to stan lee.)

just a few things, in no particular order, that really dont mean anything 
to anyone but myself (if you understand more than half of this post, seek 
medical attention immediately).

"we are...  quite many (since this isnt .lsh and i dont need a 
net.cop)!":  considering the number of people who have been posting for 
quite some time on RAC, i was surprised at the number of con reports that 
admited this was their first con.  is this indicative of an upswing in 
the industry, or are we spending so little we can afford to travel?  or 
is it just the baby reboomers turning 20 something and increasing all 
numbers?

"so why do you think they call it a con?":  while this was my first comic 
con, i have been to a handful of gaming and sci fi conventions, and they 
have all had one thing in common - rediculous entry fees for what 
ammounted to the privilage of wandering the dealers room or watching 
second hand anime in the back room.  for the most part, chicago was the 
same, with the addition of being pounced upon by corporate shills.  but i 
have to give them credit for two things.  first, a panel schedule full 
enough that if you couldnt find at least two things you were interested 
in at all times, you werent trying enough (though i wish someone had told 
me i had to sign up for the comic 101 panels).  secondly, the blood 
drive.  since i did have some free time sunday i was going to give blood 
anyway, but the refund of a days cost was a very generous offer on behalf 
of the convention, and reduced my entry fee to the point that i really 
cant grumble.  (not to mention the refund got me nodell and harvey 
prints, and oh yeah, a vampirella one too.  its signed, what the hell.)  
i really think the convetion organizers should be commended for their 
philanthropy.  kudos!

"jahwol, herr byrne!":  i didnt get the opportunity to see if john byrne 
was really as egotistical as everyone says.  he has an entourage to do it 
for him!  saturday there was a mini-mob of about 30 people in line to see 
byrne, and they were being directed by a woman with a walkie talkie.  at 
the time i thouhgt it was smart planning on the part of the con.  sunday 
there were maybe two people at byrnes table, so i walked up.  barely had 
i taken a breath when the wt lady had rushed to my side, leaned in, and 
demanded that i please get in line against the wall.  of course the dunk 
tank intercom was on, so she had to repeat herself, and a third time as i 
tried to figure out what line she was talking about.  i wandered over to 
the wall, saw one guy on the floor reading a superman comic, and decided 
this must be the place.  before i could ask the kid if he was in line 
before me, the wt lady was back, saying it was ok, i could go now.  i 
stand in the same two person line i just left, i open my book, byrne 
signs it, looks at me for a second as if wanting to asnwer a question.  
still not sure what line i am in, i nod like a slack jawed gapanape and 
go on.  it was like disneyland without the bells and whistles to make you 
forget you are being herded like cattle.  the wt lady wasnt in a con 
staff shirt, so i dont know if this was the con feeding byrnes ego or if 
he actually hires someone to be brusque for him, but it was scary in a 
very papparazzi way.

"my kodak moment":  at the RAC party thursday night, todd allen and 
michael chary traded name tags, and apparently fooled more than a few 
people over the weekend.  during the party, todd came over and said "you 
should be wearing this, people would belive you were mike chary."  (i was 
the one in the JLA jacket laughing a bit too loudly at this point.)  later 
in the elevator, he qualified his staement, "people would believe you 
were mike chary, you look like you would rip somebodys head off."  so few 
people are able to look beyond the spindly arms and pot belly and see the 
true inner psychotic.  i love you man!

"the experiment that failed!":  most people go to cons to see their fave 
artists, and to cajole a "head shot" (a term that probably explains a lot 
about comics fans...) out of them for their books.  myself, there are 
probably on two living artists that i enjoy enough to want to keep their 
work (both were there, and neither i got heads from).  so i decided to be 
different, and boy was that a bad idea.  instead of a small sketch pad, i 
got a pad that was half drawing and half lined, and asked my fave 
_writers_ to give me a quote, to preserve their work forever.  most 
writers, when confronted with a pad, seemed to have learned to draw one 
head shot to "fit in" or something.  i got only two quotes, bitter and 
desperate.  (though to be fair, i was in such fanboy awe on half the 
writers i forgot to explain what i wanted.  but on the other hand, one 
writer specifically said no, he wanted to do his head shot that he had 
worked so hard on.)  the funny thing is, when i was explaining this in 
artists alley, all of the artists who heard me thought it was a wonderful 
idea, it was just the writers who were stumped.

"welcome to the dark side, fanboy...":  my first panel of the con was 
"scene of the crime", where in i learned that "99% of the time, cops only 
plant evidence to strengthen their case."  um, ok.  my last panel was 
"modern horror", where i learned (this one is just paraphrased) "hey, 
sometimes evil gets away scott free, so we might as well write stories 
about fathers hiring thugs to videotape the rape and torture of their 
daughters whose only purpose is not to enlighten, but merely to make you 
vomit."  yeah, sure - put the knife down and we will talk about it...  
thank goodness that inbetween all of this was the bab5 presentation, 
where jms said "i dont teach morality.  i dont have any morals to give.  
but i hope i can teach ethics."  one shinning beacon in the night.

"sim-ply ha-ving a wonderful breakfast time...":  to whomever suggested a 
RAC breakfast, consider me a positive vote.  even after staying up to 1 
am or later for such cable classics as "digital man", i still found 
myself awake at 7 am.  (all that adenaline has to go somewhere, and i 
didnt use it talking to the pros...)  the only thing worse than saturday 
morning tv at 7 am is sunday morning tv at 7 am.  and i never did get a 
decent breakfast.  (fig newtons and flat grape soda is fine for the car, 
but you shouldnt try and live on them.)

and finally, a personal thanks to mike kelly for the nickel tour of his 
doctoral thesis, a nuclear particle accelerator.  (which, coincidentally 
enough, also contains a heard of buffalo, my masters thesis.)  after see 
it close up, you will never laugh at kirbytech again!  (also mike, its a 
good thing you had the keys, or i would have taken your pop'n fresh to be 
signed my self.  grumble grumble grumble.  and to those of you who havent 
seen "crumb" yet, do.  like him, loathe him, have no idea who he is, this 
is a great documentary on a creator and his creation and the society they 
live in.)

and thanks to all the other RACers i saw but will never remember names.  
don, mike, kate, mike, todd, mike, randy, mike, todd, mike, and of 
course, mike.  it was fun, lets do it again sometime!

dave "two weeks and the high (no, adrenaline!) still hasnt faded" oakes