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From: [g--l--n] at [falcon.bgsu.edu] (Metroplex)
Subject: FTP 513
Status: RO

====

FIT TO PRINT
by cathrine yronwode
for the week of November 28, 1994


THIS IS FIT TO PRINT NUMBER 513: The first frost, the first rain.

THE STRANGEST BATMAN STORY EVER TOLD: Oh boy. This week has been fun. I
thought the ouster of Tom DeFalco at Marvel, Terry Stewart's rearrangement of
the company into five semi-autonomous lines, Marvel's buyout of Malibu, and
rumours about Stan Lee's new Excelsior line (mostly centering on whether or
not Jim Shooter may be in or out of it) would be enough to keep industry
gossips happy for a month, but, no, all the attention has shifted to DC for
the time being, and for the weirdest reason...

The phone rings. You pick it up. It's Famous Pro #239, asking if you have
seen it. "Seen what?" "Hang on, i'll fax it to you!" Lo and behold, he does,
and next thing you know, you are looking at it and he's asking, "So, whaddaya
think?" and darned if you do know what to think, but the longer you look at
it, the more incredible it is, until finally you have to ask, "They...they
commissioned this, right?"

And the answer if exactly what you knew it would be:"Yep."

"They...I mean, they...they aren't going to print it, are they?"

"Nope."

Then the reading aloud commences, and the giggling, and the "No, MY favourite
line is" recitations.

Oh, how i wish i could show it to you. But i can't. I probably shouldn't have
seen a copy. None of us probably should have.

What is it? Oh, man. It's Batman by Moebius, an eight-page story titled
"Batman Against Depressman." And unlike the slick
production-values-to-die-for Moebius stuff you've seen lately, this one was
not run through a translator. It is in Moebius' own English, which is a far
sight better than my French, but still rather quaint.

"The story start in 1942" is the first caption. Batman is casually applying a
monkey wrench to what may be part of a boat. A sound effect from the wrench
reads "Bip Bip." A balloon announces "The Signal!"

In panel two, Batman is opening a bed-room door in a ramshackle house.
Through the door we see the unmistakable rearview of a Beagle Boy (yes, a
Beagle Boy, as in Carl Barks, as in Unca $crooge) rummaging through a
woman's vanity. The Beagle Boy is #227. Batman, who does not see the Beagle
Boy, is emitting two balloons: "I must win!" and "This time!"

 (You know, this reads suspiciously like Harlan Ellison's description of
Jingle Jangle Comics by George Carlson!)

#227 holds aloft the famed pearl neck-lace (that's right, as in "Give me that
neck-lace, Lady!") while Batman stands behind him, saying "Hmm." In the next
panel, Batman sits at a desk and demands that #227 talk to him. Instead, the
Beagle Boy rips open his shirt, ala Clark Kent, exposing a cryptic symbol
that resembles a fasces, a roll of paper towels, and a can of early spring
peas bearing an old-fashioned label. "I will take you down," cries the
villain. (This may be a reference to "Strawberry Fields Forever" by John
Lennon or it may not.) A crowd of tiny onlookers appears behind the bad guy,
exclaiming, "Oooh" and "Look!" As the criminal asks for "time, in order to
put on my special battle outfit," Batman urges him to hurry. "I am pretty
busy," says the Dark Knight.

Claiming he is "not just a vulgar burglar," the crook fumbles through a
trunk, scattering clothes everywhere. Batman sits at a kitchen table,
waiting. "Waf waf!" reads the villain's thought balloon, "He is like all
super heroes: too confident!" Batman ponders ("Damn! What is he doing? Why
this woman's dress? Huh! Is he some kind of pervert? Or is it one of his
shoddy tricks..." until the fiend turns around ("Woooppp") and says something
unsuitable for reprint in a family paper. "Ooh no! Mom!" is the Caped
Crusader's only response. An Art Speigleman-esque rat runs by (or is it Snowy
the dog, from Herge's Tin Tin?), dressed in a striped concentration camp
prisoners' uniform.

Will Batman break the spell that binds him to the evil motherimpersonator?
This is only page 4! See you next week. Same Bat-time. Same Bat-station.




====

Fit to Print appears in print each week in Comics Buyers Guide and is
available via e-mail.  Tell your friends!  To subscribe to Fit to Print via
e-mail send a request with the words "Subscribe FtP" in the subject header
and your address in the body of the message to [g--l--n] at [bgnet.bgsu.edu.]  You
will be added to the list and receive the next available issue.  Backissues
are available.  FTP to cerebus.acusd.edu and look in the Comics/About
Comics/Comics
News/Fit to Print directory.  Responses are welcome and should be directed
to [g--l--n] at [bgnet.bgsu.edu.]  Fit to Print is Copyright 1994 Cathrine
Yronwode.  All rights reserved.