When it comes to the seven stages of loss, CNN’s stages after Mueller’s conclusion of no collusion all seem to be bargaining: no collusion must mean collusion! We’ll agree that there was no collusion but only on condition that it proves collusion! If people read the Mueller report, they are colluding! We read the 400-page report in 15 minutes. We find collusion! Collusion! Collusion! We were always skeptical of collusion, so believe us when we say collusion!

This Babylon Bee article is barely satire. My social media feeds are filled with sophistry explaining why no collusion doesn’t mean no collusion. And most of them seem to be from CNN.

Congratulating themselves for having been skeptical of the collusion story, and literally at the same time pushing the conspiracy theories that there was still collusion.

They have become completely unhinged. CNN’s Toobin, for example, seems to think that most people would be perfectly happy to be subject to an investigation like this for two years. Not being happy with it—or being happy that it’s finally over and you’ve been vindicated—is acting like a guilty man. Because all of us look forward to IRS tax audits, and are sad when they finally realize, hey, we shouldn’t have been destroying your life and your reputation for two years.

You know what guilty people do when their lies are exposed? They double down, making their lies more and more outlandish and less and less believable.

CNN’s Brian Stelter has decided to do an impression of Kevin Bacon in Animal House. Remain calm! All is well! Avoid partisan interpretations of the Mueller report! At the same time that CNN is running a panel of partisans talking about the Mueller report. You know, following two years of unhinged partisan interpretations of the Mueller investigation. And any other random, unbelievable allegation that came their way.

Although if you’re going to go into an unhinged meltdown, there is no greater movie. I just picked up the soundtrack on Record Store Day and it’s still amazing. Will CNN escalate into driving the Eat Me! vehicle into FBI headquarters?